“Well we premiered last night but my bum-ass agent told me the wrong theater. I should have know that we wouldn’t open in Gary, Indiana. I missed have the movie flying around L.A. trying to find the right place. Still, I was able to break up crime ring. Well, it was a crime. Actually, I just corrected someone’s grammar but still, life saved in my book.”
“People assume that because I have incredible powers that I have no need for earth’s modern technologies. Phhhh. Hardly. I use a lot of apps like police scanners to track crimes in process, Weather apps to keep an eye on potential natural disasters where people might need my help, those sort of things. And yes,I get a little flirtatious on Snapchat. I mean, check out theses pecs. It’d be a crime NOT to show them, ya know?”
“I wasn’t a boozy mess in my youth like Robin. Compared to picking a bourbon-fueled fight with Thor during a Justice League office party and streaking through Gotham City Hall, this is nothing. Kids these days. What are you gonna do?”
“As superheros, we devote our lives to the public good. Watching over the safety and well-being of Earth’s citizens. We indulge ourselves very rarely but when we do IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE JUST FIVE FUCKING MINUTES ALONE IN MY BATH BATMAN! WTF?!?”
“I’ve always found it funnier to laugh with someone versus laughing at them so I may have overreacted a bit after The Green Lantern made with the butt wiping jokes when I came into the conference room for our daily briefing. Did I use my words to express my frustration? Not quite. Did I fill The Lantern’s light with urinal cakes in retaliation? Yeah, I guess I did.”
“As sort-of CEO of the Justice League, I take on a leadership role in a number of areas, most notably the strategic direction of crime fighting, long term superhero power development, those sorts of things. Unfortunately, I also have to be the Chief rule enforcer in areas such as the League dress code which Robin, as you can see here, does not seem to care to comply to.”
“The key to making a buck on the superhero thing is to get a cut of the crap. When Warner Brothers offered me $5 large for the rights to Man of Steel I was like, ‘great place to start…Bros’ and then told them I’d take the 5 and a 2% cut of the merchandising. I have an Iron Man hoodie and still have a Thor lunchbox and Thermos set so I know people buy that shit.”
1) Thunder snow does not have teeth
2) Contrary to local lore, thunder snow will not bleed from the mouth when releasing a charge
3) It is not advisable to sit and scream in terror during a thunder snow storm
4) Thunder snow will not announce its arrival, it will simply release an electrical charge during a snow storm
